Everyone who gets to know me eventually asks me the same question: are you part of some weird church of donuts cult? It’s all you talk about. To which I answer, yes, but only by day. By night I belong to the church of ice cream.
The reason I’m not an ice cream devotee by day is because people think you’re gross if you eat ice cream for breakfast. If someone asks you, “what did you have for breakfast?” and you say, “a donut and a big glass of chocolate milk” people will be like, “yeah that makes sense.” Even diet apps will be like, “OK that’s a lot of calories but it makes sense. You are an American after all.” But, if your answer is, “I had a big bowl of ice cream for breakfast,” both the person and the diet app will be like, “Are you ok? Do you need help? That’s disgusting and therefore you are disgusting, too.”
I want to end this stigma against ice cream. Ice cream is frozen cereal. You aren’t better than me because your cereal comes in a pre-frozen, pre-mixed form. We are the same.
The only thing ice cream doesn’t have going for it is portability. Donuts are easier to transport. You don’t have to deal with keeping them cold. No worries about spoons or bowls. There’s very little cleanup. Ice cream bars solve most of these problems, but people judge you even more if you eat an ice cream bar for breakfast. It’s just frozen cereal on a stick, people!
My job has bagel Thursdays. I work from home most of the time so I didn’t know until my last trip to the office that they have donuts, too. On bagel Thursdays! Donuts! Can you imagine ice cream bar Mondays? What a great way to start the hardest day of the week. People would make sure to be in the office early. I know I would.