Have you ever had a meal with people who only eat super gross super healthy food? They’ve often been on these gross diets for so long that they think their health food alternatives taste good.

They’ll be like, “Mmmmmm have a bite of this locally sourced kale mash. I added a bit of honey and it tastes like real caramel.”

Spoiler: it doesn’t taste like caramel.

They have forgotten what caramel tastes like.

Fake caramel tastes better.

These people should wear little dietary bracelets that say, “healthy eater.” That way emergency medical professionals will know they can revive them by putting actual caramel in their mouths¹. They will wake up and think they’re in heaven.