30 minute toast

One day over a decade ago I was working from a friend’s house. He got up off his computer proclaiming, “I’m going to go make toast.” He returned 30 minutes later, having made toast and eaten it. Plain toast. Not fancy avocado toast. Just plain toasted bread with butter.

30 minutes.

Toast has a half life of about 10 seconds1. You gotta grab it directly out of a hot toaster and butter it quickly. The hotter the better. If you’re not risking your life by grabbing the toast then you’re waiting too long. Wait too long and you’re going to be eating hard bread with cold butter on it.

How was my friend’s toast even edible? Did he bake the bread first? Was the bread frozen and he thawed it out by holding the entire loaf over an air conditioning vent? Did he think toast meant leaving bread out until it gets stale?

These questions have plauged me for the last decade.


  1. This is why it’s impossible to get good toast at a restaurant.
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Humor, Food
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